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He enjoyed almost everything involved in being punctual. The coffee could be better, but it was a small price to pay. Surprise spells disaster for people seeking change. Knowing more about the process allows more control over it. Some therapists insist on awareness of both current and desired behaviors, but research suggests it's sufficient to be aware of just the new one.

A study in the British Journal of Psychology found that reflecting on personal experiences with others is key to successful change. But because complimenting new behavior implies that the observer disliked the old one, it can make observers feel uncomfortable. If, for example, you were once demeaning to people, few would now say, "It's nice talking with you since you stopped being a jerk.

Success is satisfying, and if you know why you succeeded or failed, similar strategies can be applied when changing other behaviors.

Many people view structure as restrictive, something that inhibits spontaneity. While spontaneity is wonderful for some activities, it's a surefire method for sabotaging change. Classify all activities and materials you're using as either helpful, neutral or unhelpful in achieving your goal.

Eliminate unhelpful ones, make neutrals into positives and keep or increase the positives. After evaluating his morning routine, he replaced time-consuming breakfasts with quick protein drinks. Review every day how and why you're changing and the consequences of success and failure. Research by Daniel Willingham, Ph. According to behavior expert Richard Foxx, Ph. Practice is another key approach to change, suggests one study on changing conscious experience published recently in the British Journal of Psychology.

I've found that the majority of failures occur because this principle is ignored. Practice makes new behaviors automatic and a natural part of who we are.

Not all behaviors can be learned on your own. Sometimes it's useful to enlist the help of a trusted friend. If you want to use a new behavior in different environments, practice it in those or similar settings. Dubbing this "generalization," psychologists T. Stokes and D. Baer found it critical in maintaining new behaviors.

During the first week he would try to be punctual for work. The following week, he would try to be on time for his regularly scheduled tennis game.

Environmental issues such as noise and level of alertness may interfere with learning new behaviors. After identifying what helps and what hinders, increase the helpers and eliminate the rest.

Having a nightcap before bed made it difficult to wake up in the morning, so he avoided alcohol after 7 p. Strategy : Use memory aides. Because a new behavior is neither familiar nor automatic, it's easy to forget. Anything that helps memory is beneficial. He kept a list in each room of his apartment describing the sequence of things to be done and the maximum allowable time to complete them.

Unfortunately, plans for big successes often result in big failures. Focus instead on a series of small successes. Each little success builds your reservoir of self-esteem ; one big failure devastates it.

For each morning activity he completed within his self-allotted time limit, he rewarded himself by putting money into his Hawaii-getaway fund. The process of changing from what you are to what you would like to become can be either arduous and frustrating or easy and rewarding. The effort required for both paths is the same.

Choose the first and you'll probably recycle yourself endlessly. Apply my 10 principles, and change, once only a slight possibility, becomes an absolute certainty.

The choice is yours. Stan Goldberg, Ph. The 10 Rules of Change Change isn't easy, but it is possible: an expert offers 10 rules to change. Back Psychology Today. Back Find a Therapist. Back Get Help. Mental Health. Personal Growth. Family Life. View Help Index. Do I Need Help? Talk to Someone.

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